Ok - here is a real quick update.
The new job is going great but doesn't leave much time for anything else right now. The funny thing is that it also doesn't leave much time to eat, worry about not eating, obessing over what I'm gonna eat next or anything else having to do with food or food like items.
The good thing about that is that I've dropped down to 172 without even having to think about it. I'm not sure exactly what has flipped that switch in my brain but it has been flipped, as opposed to me flipping it off, and the weight is slowly coming off without my having to even think about it.
I think that it can probably be blamed on the fact that I just don't have time to sit down right now so food in is less than calories being burnt. Not a bad thing.
I will put up a REAL post later this week but have missed ya'll.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Scary Stuff
I quit my job yesterday.
Yep - you read that right. After being with this company for almost 14 years I got offered a job with another company so I resigned. Friday, March 3rd is my last day here and I have mixed emotions about it.
Food wise – well I don’t really know what to say as I haven’t been eating right but then again I have had a sinus infection for a week now so I haven’t really been eating. Sinus medication really kills the appetite – either that or all the snot dripping down into my stomach is making me feel full. I haven’t exercised a lick but I also haven’t gained or lost any poundage.
The next 2 weeks will be rather full as I’m training people how to use one of our systems and also trying to document everything I do in detail for whichever poor soul gets this job after me.
The good news is that the new company I’m going to work for pays for their employee’s gym membership and the gym is right across the street from the building so I should be able to clock in 2 miles during my lunch hour – and I actually get an hour for lunch to do so. I’m really looking forward to adding exercise as a routine into my lunch hour and this woman is all about routines.
I hope everyone here is doing well and I will be stopping by to check in on ya’ll.
Yep - you read that right. After being with this company for almost 14 years I got offered a job with another company so I resigned. Friday, March 3rd is my last day here and I have mixed emotions about it.
Food wise – well I don’t really know what to say as I haven’t been eating right but then again I have had a sinus infection for a week now so I haven’t really been eating. Sinus medication really kills the appetite – either that or all the snot dripping down into my stomach is making me feel full. I haven’t exercised a lick but I also haven’t gained or lost any poundage.
The next 2 weeks will be rather full as I’m training people how to use one of our systems and also trying to document everything I do in detail for whichever poor soul gets this job after me.
The good news is that the new company I’m going to work for pays for their employee’s gym membership and the gym is right across the street from the building so I should be able to clock in 2 miles during my lunch hour – and I actually get an hour for lunch to do so. I’m really looking forward to adding exercise as a routine into my lunch hour and this woman is all about routines.
I hope everyone here is doing well and I will be stopping by to check in on ya’ll.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Struck down by sickness
Quick update as I’ve been fighting an upper respiratory infection for about 5 days now so haven’t exercised since Saturday. Food intake has been ok – I guess – I haven’t been tracking my food but then again I really haven’t been eating. The sinuses draining into my stomach really curbs the appetite doesn’t it?
The Mister got me some chocolates for Valentines Day. It is ok because I asked for them but have only had 1 because they just don’t sound good – damn, you know I’m sick when chocolate doesn’t sound good. I’m hoping the kids eat them all up before I start to feel better.
Don’t really feel bad about the lack of exercise because it is all I can do to drag my arse out of bed and get to work. I have a lovely interview tomorrow so I’m trying to introduce whatever medicine I can into my system so that I feel halfway normal tomorrow. Oh, yeah and TOM is due sometime today so I’m really hoping that the sickness combined with pouring medicine into my body cavity will cause TOM to be a day or 2 late. I really don’t want to go on an interview worrying if I’m going to bleed through or not and this is a full day interview so I’m guessing the white pantsuit is definitely out of the question.
Joke there as any good Southern gal knows you can’t wear white before Easter!
I was reading back through my posts and remembered just how good I felt after exercising so I’m going to go ahead and hop on the ole treadmill when I get home tonight and maybe it will help push this nasty stuff out of my system. I might not run all of it but I am going to try to get in my 2 miles – will just listen to my body and take it easy if need be.
Finally – I love red bell peppers and they are high in Vitamin C so I made some rather tasty stuffed red bell peppers and am eating them for lunch today. Here is the recipe:
½ cup barley
4 red bell peppers
4 ounces feta cheese
1 medium apple, chopped
8 green onions, chopped,
½ cup golden raisins
3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
3 tablespoons chopped cilantro
Juice of 1 lemon
Salt & pepper
Cover the barley in boiling water put a lid on it and set it aside for 3 hours or you can follow the directions on the side of the package to cook it faster. Chop bell peppers in half, slicing through stems to help them retain their shape when you bake them and scoop out the insides and seeds. Set bell peppers in a baking dish cut side up. Mix together cooked barley, feta cheese, apple, onions, raisins, basil, cilantro, and lemon juice. Taste mixture and season with salt and pepper if need be. Spoon mixture into bell pepper halves. Pour about 1 cup of water into bottom of pan to keep bell peppers moist and bake in a 350 oven for about 35 minutes. Make sure you cover pan with foil to retain moisture.
These were very tasty and the apple and raisins give it a “sweet” taste.
The Mister got me some chocolates for Valentines Day. It is ok because I asked for them but have only had 1 because they just don’t sound good – damn, you know I’m sick when chocolate doesn’t sound good. I’m hoping the kids eat them all up before I start to feel better.
Don’t really feel bad about the lack of exercise because it is all I can do to drag my arse out of bed and get to work. I have a lovely interview tomorrow so I’m trying to introduce whatever medicine I can into my system so that I feel halfway normal tomorrow. Oh, yeah and TOM is due sometime today so I’m really hoping that the sickness combined with pouring medicine into my body cavity will cause TOM to be a day or 2 late. I really don’t want to go on an interview worrying if I’m going to bleed through or not and this is a full day interview so I’m guessing the white pantsuit is definitely out of the question.
Joke there as any good Southern gal knows you can’t wear white before Easter!
I was reading back through my posts and remembered just how good I felt after exercising so I’m going to go ahead and hop on the ole treadmill when I get home tonight and maybe it will help push this nasty stuff out of my system. I might not run all of it but I am going to try to get in my 2 miles – will just listen to my body and take it easy if need be.
Finally – I love red bell peppers and they are high in Vitamin C so I made some rather tasty stuffed red bell peppers and am eating them for lunch today. Here is the recipe:
½ cup barley
4 red bell peppers
4 ounces feta cheese
1 medium apple, chopped
8 green onions, chopped,
½ cup golden raisins
3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
3 tablespoons chopped cilantro
Juice of 1 lemon
Salt & pepper
Cover the barley in boiling water put a lid on it and set it aside for 3 hours or you can follow the directions on the side of the package to cook it faster. Chop bell peppers in half, slicing through stems to help them retain their shape when you bake them and scoop out the insides and seeds. Set bell peppers in a baking dish cut side up. Mix together cooked barley, feta cheese, apple, onions, raisins, basil, cilantro, and lemon juice. Taste mixture and season with salt and pepper if need be. Spoon mixture into bell pepper halves. Pour about 1 cup of water into bottom of pan to keep bell peppers moist and bake in a 350 oven for about 35 minutes. Make sure you cover pan with foil to retain moisture.
These were very tasty and the apple and raisins give it a “sweet” taste.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Interview
Well - life got in the damn way last night and I didn't hop on the treadmill. I think that I'm going to run 3 miles tonight - partially to makeup the 2 I didn't run last night and partially to punish myself because I could've at 9:30 but didn't. The thing is that I'm just so angry with myself for not going ahead and getting the running out of the way. I'm such a routine person that when something throws my routine off it just feels like I can't recover from it. Maybe I just don’t want to recover from it.
I received a call from a company that wants to interview me next week. I'm both excited and nervous about the whole thing. I've been with my present company for 15 years and the other company cold called me - out of the blue - wanting my resume. I half-assed threw one together and emailed it to them thinking that there was NO way they would want to interview me after that lousy resume crossed their desk.
So far I've had a package of Swiss Cakes at 270 calories and 12 grams of fat - sheesh! I really want to hit the snack machine again even though I have an apple sitting right here on my desk. I haven't decided if this eating binge is due to the nervousness or the excitement I just know that I want to nosh on something. Hmmm – maybe I should just make it an even 4 miles to punish myself for eating the Swiss Cakes.
I received a call from a company that wants to interview me next week. I'm both excited and nervous about the whole thing. I've been with my present company for 15 years and the other company cold called me - out of the blue - wanting my resume. I half-assed threw one together and emailed it to them thinking that there was NO way they would want to interview me after that lousy resume crossed their desk.
So far I've had a package of Swiss Cakes at 270 calories and 12 grams of fat - sheesh! I really want to hit the snack machine again even though I have an apple sitting right here on my desk. I haven't decided if this eating binge is due to the nervousness or the excitement I just know that I want to nosh on something. Hmmm – maybe I should just make it an even 4 miles to punish myself for eating the Swiss Cakes.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Spicy Hot!
I just have to say that the leg lifts that I’ve been doing for about a month now are really starting to pay off. The Mister has been telling me for about a week that he could see a difference and when I looked at myself in the mirror this morning (ewwwww) even I could tell a difference. I’m sure the running helps too but since I have been sporadic with the running and rather consistent with the leg lifts then they deserve the credit for the slimming of the hips. The targeted area is right at the bottom of my hip kinda where my leg joins my torso. You know how you tend to get those “saddle bags” right there????? Huh? You don’t – well I do and they are definitely going away.
I have noticed, just this week, that my dress pants, while fitting in the waist are just hanging in my hip area. Today I put on an olive green, moleskin pant suit and the pants are literally falling off of me. Well, actually the jacket is olive green, trimmed in black and the pants are black with a side zipper. I just bought the damn thing at the beginning of December and this is only the 3rd time that I’ve had it on. I can tell that if I lose 5 more lbs there is no way that I can get by with wearing this to work because I’m pretty sure that the pants will fall down around my ankles when I’m walking down the hallway right in front of a bunch of men!
It is a size 14 but must be on the large size of 14 so when these pants hit the ground, since this suit is so new, I will have it dry cleaned and ship it to anyone out here in cyber land who is brave enough to wear my cast-offs. If there aren’t any takers then someone at Goodwill will be happy as I don’t know anyone my size in my real life.
I did my 2 mile torture run last night for a total of 4 miles so far this week. Been running with the treadmill pace set to 4.5. Kinda freaked out this morning when I realized that I have an appointment at 4:30 today to get waxed and was afraid that it was going to be ANOTHER workout that I might miss this week. Then –DUH – I realized that I could just hop on the treadmill after I get the Princess to sleep. The other good news is that middle son’s Region’s competition is during the day Friday so it looks like I will be able to run, just fine, Friday night. WHEW – the 2 miles is torture enough and I really wasn’t looking forward to having to go 2.5 for 4 days to make up for it.
Lastly I wanted to share a little secret – well, not really a secret but I still wanted to share it. I have been bringing Turkey wraps to work with Turkey, low-fat cheese, no-fat mayonnaise and plenty of lettuce on whole wheat, low-carb tortilla for lunch. The thing is that even though it is probably just me being mental – I can tell a difference in the taste of the no-fat mayonnaise. Since I live in Texas AND we tend to like things a little spicy down here I opened a can of Chipolte peppers in Adobe sauce and added about 1 teaspoon of the sauce to 4 Tablespoons of the fat-free mayonnaise. It adds a nice kick, still gives me the satisfaction of having the creaminess of the mayonnaise on my wrap and hides the no-fat taste for my taste buds. No, I don’t add all 4 Tablespoons to my wrap I just added about 1 but this mixture should last the rest of the week refrigerated.
I have noticed, just this week, that my dress pants, while fitting in the waist are just hanging in my hip area. Today I put on an olive green, moleskin pant suit and the pants are literally falling off of me. Well, actually the jacket is olive green, trimmed in black and the pants are black with a side zipper. I just bought the damn thing at the beginning of December and this is only the 3rd time that I’ve had it on. I can tell that if I lose 5 more lbs there is no way that I can get by with wearing this to work because I’m pretty sure that the pants will fall down around my ankles when I’m walking down the hallway right in front of a bunch of men!
It is a size 14 but must be on the large size of 14 so when these pants hit the ground, since this suit is so new, I will have it dry cleaned and ship it to anyone out here in cyber land who is brave enough to wear my cast-offs. If there aren’t any takers then someone at Goodwill will be happy as I don’t know anyone my size in my real life.
I did my 2 mile torture run last night for a total of 4 miles so far this week. Been running with the treadmill pace set to 4.5. Kinda freaked out this morning when I realized that I have an appointment at 4:30 today to get waxed and was afraid that it was going to be ANOTHER workout that I might miss this week. Then –DUH – I realized that I could just hop on the treadmill after I get the Princess to sleep. The other good news is that middle son’s Region’s competition is during the day Friday so it looks like I will be able to run, just fine, Friday night. WHEW – the 2 miles is torture enough and I really wasn’t looking forward to having to go 2.5 for 4 days to make up for it.
Lastly I wanted to share a little secret – well, not really a secret but I still wanted to share it. I have been bringing Turkey wraps to work with Turkey, low-fat cheese, no-fat mayonnaise and plenty of lettuce on whole wheat, low-carb tortilla for lunch. The thing is that even though it is probably just me being mental – I can tell a difference in the taste of the no-fat mayonnaise. Since I live in Texas AND we tend to like things a little spicy down here I opened a can of Chipolte peppers in Adobe sauce and added about 1 teaspoon of the sauce to 4 Tablespoons of the fat-free mayonnaise. It adds a nice kick, still gives me the satisfaction of having the creaminess of the mayonnaise on my wrap and hides the no-fat taste for my taste buds. No, I don’t add all 4 Tablespoons to my wrap I just added about 1 but this mixture should last the rest of the week refrigerated.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Weigh Me
I’ve decided to stop weighing every damn day and just go to a once a week weigh-in. I’m going to weigh myself on Fridays and was it ever hard to NOT jump on that scale this morning. When I was making the coffee it was mocking me – taunting me to “just step on aboard before you have that sip of coffee”. I tried to ignore it but the voices inside my head kept getting louder and louder so I went over and removed the battery out of the scale and put it in a drawer in another part of the house just to shut it up. Sure hope I can remember where I put it when I go to weigh Friday as I’ve been known to forget where my keys are when they are in my hand.
I did hop on the treadmill last night for a 2 mile run and hated every damn last minute of it. I was bitching and groaning in my mind the whole time but had set it up to run for 2 miles so I did. Then when I hopped off of it I fixed dinner – well actually I threw together my part of it which was the salad and we ate. I vacuumed the house because people were in and out during the Super Bowl party Sunday and “stuff” got tracked into the house. After that I flopped down on the floor to do my leg lifts. My youngest thinks that if you get down on her level that you become her own personal jungle gym so she straddled my waist and wallowed around on me the whole time. Talk about making it difficult to do leg lifts – it was tough with a 25 lb squirming baby riding my waist like I was a pony.
The thing I noticed is that afterwards – after the running – I felt much better and even though I had been tired all day I felt energized. I got to bed late Sunday night and the little one cried out at about 3 am so I got up and rocked her back to sleep and it felt like my head had just hit the pillow when the alarm went off at 5 am. Talk about major draggin ass – I had it major yesterday and just wanted to crawl under my desk and take a nap but figured the boss wouldn’t really like that so I refrained. Figured that I would just go to bed early but after running I felt awake and actually had some energy so I got some stuff done around the house. This just emphasizes to me how important it is that I exercise because even though I’m using up more energy it seems that I have more energy than I do when I don’t exercise.
The only day I might not be able to run is Friday because my middle son has Regions Friday night (after school) and you never know how long they will last. I’m thinking about running 2.5 miles Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday & Sunday to make up for the 2 miles I might not be able to run Friday. Then if I get home in time and am able to get on the treadmill the extra .5 from Wednesday and Thursday can just be added to the weekly total. I’m trying real hard to plan out this exercise and make it a focus point in my life. I’m also thinking about adding an upper body workout 3 days a week because I have 5, 10 & 20 lb free weights at home. I will just have to use some of that “extra” energy from tonight’s run to lift some weights after the baby goes to sleep as I really don’t want to bonk her in the head with a 5 lb weight.
Oh yeah – the chicken last night was excellent so here is what it was marinated in:
4 chicken breast
4 cups of water
2 Tablespoons Kosher Salt
2 Tablespoons sugar
1 Tablespoon cloves
3 bay leaves
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon celery seeds
4 Clementine’s, cut in half squeeze the juice then just add the juice and the squeezed Clementine to the marinade.
It marinated for about 24 hours and the chicken was very tender and juicy and you could taste the clove and Clementine. The Mister grilled the chicken and some asparagus but I could see reducing the water to 3 cups and then cooking the marinade down on the stove. Maybe adding some cornstarch to thicken it up and serving the chicken over rice with the reduced marinade as a sauce poured over the top sometime in the future.
I did hop on the treadmill last night for a 2 mile run and hated every damn last minute of it. I was bitching and groaning in my mind the whole time but had set it up to run for 2 miles so I did. Then when I hopped off of it I fixed dinner – well actually I threw together my part of it which was the salad and we ate. I vacuumed the house because people were in and out during the Super Bowl party Sunday and “stuff” got tracked into the house. After that I flopped down on the floor to do my leg lifts. My youngest thinks that if you get down on her level that you become her own personal jungle gym so she straddled my waist and wallowed around on me the whole time. Talk about making it difficult to do leg lifts – it was tough with a 25 lb squirming baby riding my waist like I was a pony.
The thing I noticed is that afterwards – after the running – I felt much better and even though I had been tired all day I felt energized. I got to bed late Sunday night and the little one cried out at about 3 am so I got up and rocked her back to sleep and it felt like my head had just hit the pillow when the alarm went off at 5 am. Talk about major draggin ass – I had it major yesterday and just wanted to crawl under my desk and take a nap but figured the boss wouldn’t really like that so I refrained. Figured that I would just go to bed early but after running I felt awake and actually had some energy so I got some stuff done around the house. This just emphasizes to me how important it is that I exercise because even though I’m using up more energy it seems that I have more energy than I do when I don’t exercise.
The only day I might not be able to run is Friday because my middle son has Regions Friday night (after school) and you never know how long they will last. I’m thinking about running 2.5 miles Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday & Sunday to make up for the 2 miles I might not be able to run Friday. Then if I get home in time and am able to get on the treadmill the extra .5 from Wednesday and Thursday can just be added to the weekly total. I’m trying real hard to plan out this exercise and make it a focus point in my life. I’m also thinking about adding an upper body workout 3 days a week because I have 5, 10 & 20 lb free weights at home. I will just have to use some of that “extra” energy from tonight’s run to lift some weights after the baby goes to sleep as I really don’t want to bonk her in the head with a 5 lb weight.
Oh yeah – the chicken last night was excellent so here is what it was marinated in:
4 chicken breast
4 cups of water
2 Tablespoons Kosher Salt
2 Tablespoons sugar
1 Tablespoon cloves
3 bay leaves
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon celery seeds
4 Clementine’s, cut in half squeeze the juice then just add the juice and the squeezed Clementine to the marinade.
It marinated for about 24 hours and the chicken was very tender and juicy and you could taste the clove and Clementine. The Mister grilled the chicken and some asparagus but I could see reducing the water to 3 cups and then cooking the marinade down on the stove. Maybe adding some cornstarch to thicken it up and serving the chicken over rice with the reduced marinade as a sauce poured over the top sometime in the future.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Come On 180!
Well – I really wanted to see 180 on the scales this morning – but no way.
I didn’t expect to see 180 because we had a Super Bowl party yesterday and there were just too many sneaky snacks and tasty adult beverages. At least I didn’t realize a gain after munching on chips, dip, critters, chicken wings, black olives, guacamole and a beer or three. So in that aspect I guess it definitely could’ve been worse. Plus knowing that 20 friends were coming over I got up early and scrubbed my house from top to bottom – I’m talking q-tips in the corners and wiping down the baseboards kind of clean - four hours worth of clean. The Mister hauled all of the leftover grub to work today to feed his guys for lunch so that will save me from munching on anymore of that food stuff.
The Mister was so sweet and in worrying about my “I Don’t Want To Be Fat Anymore” food plan he marinated some chicken boobies and bought some fresh asparagus to grill for me to eat during the party. He was so proud of his little self when he showed me what he had done so that I could stay on plan. I was rather proud of him too. I decided to just go ahead and indulge yesterday for 3 reasons:
- I have been eating on plan
- I had used low fat ingredients in the dips (shhhhh – don’t tell as no one noticed).
- Didn’t want to be the weird one out munching on grilled chicken boobies and asparagus while everyone else was munching on munchies.
So for tonight’s dinner it will be grilled chicken boobies, roasted asparagus and salad and since everything is ready to go - the plan Stan is to hop on the treadmill when I get home for a 2 mile run. The Mister will fire up the grill when he gets home (30 minutes later) to cook the chicken and asparagus and all I have to do is toss together the salad.
I’ve been mulling over the running aspect and my real need to actually get some exercise into my routine and I’ve decided that I’m going to run 14 miles a week. That will be 2 miles a day and something that is very doable when I consider that “Once Upon A Time” I ran 30+ miles a week and biked 40 miles on Sunday. I know that I can run 2 miles right now because I have done it – what I haven’t done is make it a part of my life – a part of my daily routine like I should. I’m going to keep a log and if I have to miss a day then I will just double up on the other days so that the weekly total still equals 14. I read somewhere that what matters most is how many miles you make your body move and that it didn’t matter as much whether you ran or walked those miles. I really need to get my mind around this whole running thing and make it a necessity – like breathing.
The only **ahem** exercise that I have managed to do every day is 60 leg lifts (each leg). Have been doing them for about 3 weeks now and it is starting to pay off as all of my pants are very loose in the hip area. Last night when I plopped down on the floor to do them – the Mister patted my hip and said that he could tell a difference as he is starting to see muscle – of course he could’ve just wanted to get lucky (hehe). The lifts are getting easier so I’m thinking about adding another set of 20 for a total of 80 or digging through my closet to find the 5lb leg weights and start using them. I think the leg lifts are the reason that I’ve been able to locate my hipbones.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Addictions
I dreamt last night that I was running.
Many years ago, when I worked in another city and before my divorce I ran 5 miles at lunch. I didn’t miss a day and the feeling the running released was much like a drug. I was addicted to running. I guess that really isn’t a bad thing to be addicted to. The marriage was horrible and the man I married turned out to be abusive, both physically and mentally. Running was my release. It was my way of dealing with all the anger that was building up inside of me because I couldn’t lash out at him.
When I left him I stopped running because my lunch hour now needed to be spent making up time missed due to being drug into court 19 times in the 2 years it took to get the divorce finalized. I wasn’t able to run before or after work because I had custody of our 2 small boys and didn’t want to leave them at the house by themselves while I ran.
When I met the current Mister he was the total opposite of the former asshole Mister in both looks and personality. He made it ok for me to be me. When my weight started to climb and other health problems cropped up the current Mister is the one who urged me to seek medical help to figure out what was wrong. Not because he wanted me to lose weight but because the screwy hormones changed my personality and he wanted his wife back - fat or thin it didn’t matter. I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and put on medication to give my body the hormones it was no longer capable of creating on its own. Regardless of what they tell you the thyroid hormones won’t fix the weight problem or sluggish metabolism that result from inadequate natural hormones. You have to be active and exercise to fix that.
I have blamed my weight and an assortment of other problems on my thyroid over the years not willing to accept that the blame rested squarely on my shoulders. DUH! Of course you are going to gain weight when you go from running 5 miles a day and chasing 2 little boys around to sitting on the couch munching on chips and dip. I know that exercise is the key for me and that I really need to start exercising to see this weight drop off.
I went to the Doctor last night for the lower abdomen pain and he started me on a round of antibiotics because his initial thought is that it is either a bladder infection or an inflammation of the colon. He did assure me that it had absolutely nothing to do with the green tea that I’ve been drinking and he told me to keep drinking the green tea because it is very good for you. I should’ve exercised last night but used the excuse that I’m sick to not crawl on the treadmill. I also called off work today because it hurts to sit and I’m very uncomfortable at work. I feel like I have a rock in my abdomen.
While lying in bed this morning (right after the running dream) I still had my eyes closed and was remembering the feeling I used to experience – the euphoria from running. So I started clicking back through my memories to when I started running and distinctly remember that when I started I couldn’t even run a mile and hated every minute of it. I didn’t think that I would ever run 5 miles a day and like it. Somehow, without my actually realizing it, I was running every day and even worked it into my schedule when we went on vacation (ever ran through Las Vegas- I have?)
I think that I’m going to actually schedule my treadmill time and allow myself 10 minutes of meditation right before I hop on the treadmill so that I can remember what it felt like, all those years ago, to be addicted to running. This post is mostly so that I can look back at it on those days that I don't feel like running and remind myself that if I keep it up some day I will be addicted to running again.
Many years ago, when I worked in another city and before my divorce I ran 5 miles at lunch. I didn’t miss a day and the feeling the running released was much like a drug. I was addicted to running. I guess that really isn’t a bad thing to be addicted to. The marriage was horrible and the man I married turned out to be abusive, both physically and mentally. Running was my release. It was my way of dealing with all the anger that was building up inside of me because I couldn’t lash out at him.
When I left him I stopped running because my lunch hour now needed to be spent making up time missed due to being drug into court 19 times in the 2 years it took to get the divorce finalized. I wasn’t able to run before or after work because I had custody of our 2 small boys and didn’t want to leave them at the house by themselves while I ran.
When I met the current Mister he was the total opposite of the former asshole Mister in both looks and personality. He made it ok for me to be me. When my weight started to climb and other health problems cropped up the current Mister is the one who urged me to seek medical help to figure out what was wrong. Not because he wanted me to lose weight but because the screwy hormones changed my personality and he wanted his wife back - fat or thin it didn’t matter. I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and put on medication to give my body the hormones it was no longer capable of creating on its own. Regardless of what they tell you the thyroid hormones won’t fix the weight problem or sluggish metabolism that result from inadequate natural hormones. You have to be active and exercise to fix that.
I have blamed my weight and an assortment of other problems on my thyroid over the years not willing to accept that the blame rested squarely on my shoulders. DUH! Of course you are going to gain weight when you go from running 5 miles a day and chasing 2 little boys around to sitting on the couch munching on chips and dip. I know that exercise is the key for me and that I really need to start exercising to see this weight drop off.
I went to the Doctor last night for the lower abdomen pain and he started me on a round of antibiotics because his initial thought is that it is either a bladder infection or an inflammation of the colon. He did assure me that it had absolutely nothing to do with the green tea that I’ve been drinking and he told me to keep drinking the green tea because it is very good for you. I should’ve exercised last night but used the excuse that I’m sick to not crawl on the treadmill. I also called off work today because it hurts to sit and I’m very uncomfortable at work. I feel like I have a rock in my abdomen.
While lying in bed this morning (right after the running dream) I still had my eyes closed and was remembering the feeling I used to experience – the euphoria from running. So I started clicking back through my memories to when I started running and distinctly remember that when I started I couldn’t even run a mile and hated every minute of it. I didn’t think that I would ever run 5 miles a day and like it. Somehow, without my actually realizing it, I was running every day and even worked it into my schedule when we went on vacation (ever ran through Las Vegas- I have?)
I think that I’m going to actually schedule my treadmill time and allow myself 10 minutes of meditation right before I hop on the treadmill so that I can remember what it felt like, all those years ago, to be addicted to running. This post is mostly so that I can look back at it on those days that I don't feel like running and remind myself that if I keep it up some day I will be addicted to running again.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Excuses, excuses, excuses.
Well I managed to NOT exercise AGAIN last night besides 40 leg lifts (each leg). My excuse was because my abdomen on the left side was hurting. It is a rather weird pain and goes all the way through to my back. I initially thought it might be from all of the green tea that I have been consuming but didn’t have any after lunch yesterday and still had pain so it probably isn’t the tea. I have a rather high tolerance for pain so I’m unable to judge when something is just a normal pain or when it is something serious. It did hurt badly enough last night to cause me to lose my appetite so I didn’t eat any dinner. I got a call into the Doctor to discuss it with him and see if he wants me to come in. What the hell am I saying of course he will want me to come in he bought his wife a new BMW for Christmas. MEH! Probably still should’ve jumped on the treadmill and attempted it. Even if I only ran for 10 minutes it would’ve been 10 minutes more exercise than I got.
Did get to discuss our evening routine with the Mister and we are going to shake things up a bit. Currently the Mister gives smallest child a bath and I get her to sleep. Since I get up at 5am to get middle child to swim practice by 5:30 this means that I usually fall asleep on smallest child’s floor while trying to coax her into dreamland. Told the Mister that it really would help me if we could switch – meaning I would give Princess her bath and the Mister could fall asleep on her floor *ahem* I mean get her to go to sleep. Doing this would allow me to clean up the kitchen, step on the treadmill and get anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour workout, shower and still get into bed by 10:30 p.m. When I fall asleep on her floor, even if the Mister wakes me up, I’m too groggy to even attempt exercise and usually just crawl into our room, on hands and knees, and get in bed.
The strange thought that popped into my head this morning was “Maybe it is a cyst or tumor in my abdomen causing all of this pain and I can lose some more weight when they remove it”. Sometimes I scare myself.
Gonna have to get my big ole ass in gear if I really want to lose 24 lbs by the end of April so I can be a hot babe on the beach with my other blogger friends.
Did get to discuss our evening routine with the Mister and we are going to shake things up a bit. Currently the Mister gives smallest child a bath and I get her to sleep. Since I get up at 5am to get middle child to swim practice by 5:30 this means that I usually fall asleep on smallest child’s floor while trying to coax her into dreamland. Told the Mister that it really would help me if we could switch – meaning I would give Princess her bath and the Mister could fall asleep on her floor *ahem* I mean get her to go to sleep. Doing this would allow me to clean up the kitchen, step on the treadmill and get anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour workout, shower and still get into bed by 10:30 p.m. When I fall asleep on her floor, even if the Mister wakes me up, I’m too groggy to even attempt exercise and usually just crawl into our room, on hands and knees, and get in bed.
The strange thought that popped into my head this morning was “Maybe it is a cyst or tumor in my abdomen causing all of this pain and I can lose some more weight when they remove it”. Sometimes I scare myself.
Gonna have to get my big ole ass in gear if I really want to lose 24 lbs by the end of April so I can be a hot babe on the beach with my other blogger friends.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Mind Games
I’ve been having some rather weird random thoughts lately about weight loss endeavors. Well that’s not entirely true as pretty much ALL of my thoughts are weird. Here are the ones I remember:
1. Wonder how much weight I could lose if I cut my hair (my hair is thick and long)?
2. If I eat that chocolate cake and then take some ex-lax does it negate the calories from the cake?
3. Should I pay cash for that Ex-Lax so that it doesn’t pop up in someone’s database that I’m abusing Ex-Lax?
4. Am I cheating by weighing first thing in the morning (neked) when years ago I used to weigh right before working out which was right after dinner fully dressed?
5. Should I try a weight loss patch or pill?
6. Wonder if I could lie and get my insurance to cover lap-banding?
Ok, before anyone panics and calls me rude names the lap-banding is definitely out of the question. I’m afraid of needles and going under the knife is not something I could do. Plus I think that with only 41 lbs to lose it would be the chicken way out. Before you start throwing knives at me just let me say that I think lap-banding has a place in this world and should definitely be an available option for people who are morbidly obese or who have been overweight all of their life. The thing is that while I’m fat I haven’t always been fat and I know what it feels like to not be fat and exactly what I need to do (besides the “I Don’t Want To Be Fat Anymore” food plan).
Exercise.
I need to exercise and frankly (no my name isn’t Frank) I haven’t been exercising like I should. Yeah, yeah the 60 leg lifts I did last night count but cardio is what I really need. My excuses are (and YES they are just that excuses)
1. My iPod broke.
2. My treadmill has a lose screw on one side and is rather shaky when I grab the hand thangie.
3. I have a small child at home and after I wrestle her to sleep it is usually 9pm
4. blah, blah, blah!
The thing is that a blogger friend of mine called and wants me to join her and a bunch of other blogger friends for a Holiday at the end of April. At the beach. I actually sat down and figured that losing a lb a week I could lose an additional 12 lbs before I go. 12 lbs would put me down to 169 which is entirely acceptable but I also know that if I got this big, fat, old, lazy butt of mine in gear I probably could lose an additional 24 lbs before the end of April.
Maybe this is the motivation that I needed.
Oh yeah – the green tea thing from yesterday’s post – not doing that anymore as it royally fucked up my bladder. I thought I was ovulating x10 and peed about 14 times just to relieve the pressure. Didn’t drink any green tea last night and felt fine. Then this morning I had a cup of green tea and about an hour later the whole pain of passing my left ovary out of my body started happening again.
Weird stuff I’m telling you!
1. Wonder how much weight I could lose if I cut my hair (my hair is thick and long)?
2. If I eat that chocolate cake and then take some ex-lax does it negate the calories from the cake?
3. Should I pay cash for that Ex-Lax so that it doesn’t pop up in someone’s database that I’m abusing Ex-Lax?
4. Am I cheating by weighing first thing in the morning (neked) when years ago I used to weigh right before working out which was right after dinner fully dressed?
5. Should I try a weight loss patch or pill?
6. Wonder if I could lie and get my insurance to cover lap-banding?
Ok, before anyone panics and calls me rude names the lap-banding is definitely out of the question. I’m afraid of needles and going under the knife is not something I could do. Plus I think that with only 41 lbs to lose it would be the chicken way out. Before you start throwing knives at me just let me say that I think lap-banding has a place in this world and should definitely be an available option for people who are morbidly obese or who have been overweight all of their life. The thing is that while I’m fat I haven’t always been fat and I know what it feels like to not be fat and exactly what I need to do (besides the “I Don’t Want To Be Fat Anymore” food plan).
Exercise.
I need to exercise and frankly (no my name isn’t Frank) I haven’t been exercising like I should. Yeah, yeah the 60 leg lifts I did last night count but cardio is what I really need. My excuses are (and YES they are just that excuses)
1. My iPod broke.
2. My treadmill has a lose screw on one side and is rather shaky when I grab the hand thangie.
3. I have a small child at home and after I wrestle her to sleep it is usually 9pm
4. blah, blah, blah!
The thing is that a blogger friend of mine called and wants me to join her and a bunch of other blogger friends for a Holiday at the end of April. At the beach. I actually sat down and figured that losing a lb a week I could lose an additional 12 lbs before I go. 12 lbs would put me down to 169 which is entirely acceptable but I also know that if I got this big, fat, old, lazy butt of mine in gear I probably could lose an additional 24 lbs before the end of April.
Maybe this is the motivation that I needed.
Oh yeah – the green tea thing from yesterday’s post – not doing that anymore as it royally fucked up my bladder. I thought I was ovulating x10 and peed about 14 times just to relieve the pressure. Didn’t drink any green tea last night and felt fine. Then this morning I had a cup of green tea and about an hour later the whole pain of passing my left ovary out of my body started happening again.
Weird stuff I’m telling you!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Tea anyone?
Well – the fiber overdose from yesterday certainly worked as I pooped twice and when I got on the scales this morning I am down a pound. Well – down a pound from my 182 weight and down 2 lbs from the 183 I saw yesterday morning. Ya think that I pooped 2 pounds worth of stuff????? I didn’t look, but seriously doubt that I shat out 2 lbs as that might’ve hurt plus I probably would have had to break it up with a hanger to get it to flush.
No treadmill last night either as we went to the viewing of the body for a friend of ours who committed suicide. We did stop by the local Meglo-Mart (i.e. Sams) and perused it’s aisles for about an hour. So a leisurely hour long stroll pushing a 25 lb baby in a grocery cart that adding weight quicker than I can - will be added to yesterday’s activity (the cart added weight, not the baby). Did I mention that I hate Sams? Well, not so much that I blame the Meglo-Mart but rather that we can’t ever walk out of that place for under a couple of hundred dollars. But I did find some rather large blueberries, some HUGE strawberries which will make a wonderful shake for breakfast tomorrow and a package of frozen Cajun shrimp that can be tossed into a rather quick pasta meal at some future date.
Now for a question for anyone who still reads me. I’ve been doing some research on drinking Green Tea and have found lots of information on its weight-loss abilities. Apparently it is supposed to speed up your metabolism and cause you to burn about 266 extra calories each day that you consume it. It is also touted to have the ability to suppress your appetite. Has anyone tried Green Tea????? I’m wondering if you have noticed any weight loss that you can partially contribute to consuming Green tea and if you have had any negative side effects from drinking it?
On that note today’s meals will be:
Breakfast:
1 cup Fiber Choice cereal w/ 4 ounces of skim milk
8 ounces of green tea
Snack:
1 cup blueberries
Lunch:
4 ounces grilled tuna
½ cup grilled asparagus
1 apple
8 ounces of green tea
Snack:
1 pear
8 ounces green tea
Dinner:
4 ounces grilled chicken boobies
Orange Basmati rice (with raisins)
Grilled zucchini
8 ounces of green tea
BTW – I think I just might make my goal of 180 by Valentine’s Day.
No treadmill last night either as we went to the viewing of the body for a friend of ours who committed suicide. We did stop by the local Meglo-Mart (i.e. Sams) and perused it’s aisles for about an hour. So a leisurely hour long stroll pushing a 25 lb baby in a grocery cart that adding weight quicker than I can - will be added to yesterday’s activity (the cart added weight, not the baby). Did I mention that I hate Sams? Well, not so much that I blame the Meglo-Mart but rather that we can’t ever walk out of that place for under a couple of hundred dollars. But I did find some rather large blueberries, some HUGE strawberries which will make a wonderful shake for breakfast tomorrow and a package of frozen Cajun shrimp that can be tossed into a rather quick pasta meal at some future date.
Now for a question for anyone who still reads me. I’ve been doing some research on drinking Green Tea and have found lots of information on its weight-loss abilities. Apparently it is supposed to speed up your metabolism and cause you to burn about 266 extra calories each day that you consume it. It is also touted to have the ability to suppress your appetite. Has anyone tried Green Tea????? I’m wondering if you have noticed any weight loss that you can partially contribute to consuming Green tea and if you have had any negative side effects from drinking it?
On that note today’s meals will be:
Breakfast:
1 cup Fiber Choice cereal w/ 4 ounces of skim milk
8 ounces of green tea
Snack:
1 cup blueberries
Lunch:
4 ounces grilled tuna
½ cup grilled asparagus
1 apple
8 ounces of green tea
Snack:
1 pear
8 ounces green tea
Dinner:
4 ounces grilled chicken boobies
Orange Basmati rice (with raisins)
Grilled zucchini
8 ounces of green tea
BTW – I think I just might make my goal of 180 by Valentine’s Day.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Looking for 179!
We took the baby to see the granimals at the Stock Show yesterday. We walked around for over 3 hours – leisurely stroll but it beat sitting my arse on the couch for 3 hours plus I was pushing the stroller with a 25 lb kid in it. I cheated and ate a cheeseburger while there but did share some of it with the little one. We are such Bubba’s that we bought her a pair of Carhartt overalls for next fall. Gonna teach her how to drive the tractor and spit next. What I didn’t have was the funnel cake, cinnamon roll or dippin dots that smelled soooo good. Then last night I sipped on a small glass of Amaretto and had some ice cream. Hopped on the scales this morning and saw 183.
WTF?????
It kinda freaked me out at first because I know that I didn’t consume 3,500 calories over and above what I burned. Then I remembered that I didn’t poop yesterday so I really think that the inch up in the number on the scale must be because my body is hanging on to that nasty old cheeseburger. I didn’t make it onto the treadmill yesterday but did wash my truck and cleaned house which has to burn some calories. Didn’t sit down until about 7:30 last night so the increase (even if it was only a pound) really surprised me. The funny thing is that the slacks I’m wearing today are much looser in the legs and hips then they were 2 weeks ago.
We had a rather yummy dinner last night. I bought some yellow fin tuna steaks Saturday and 2 bundles of asparagus so the Mr. grilled them for me. I made some mashed potatoes for him and the kids to make up for making them eat “healthy” stuff but I just grabbed extra asparagus and opted out of the mashed potatoes.
I also wanted to share this creamy dip that I made:
1 cup no-fat cottage cheese
½ cup no-fat yogurt
1 clove of garlic
2 tablespoons no-fat Italian dressing (the dried stuff in a packet)
Sprinkle of cayenne pepper (depends on how hot you like it)
Whirl all of the ingredients in the mixer until creamy.
It is really creamy and taste sinful. I use it for dipping vegetables and chips made out of whole wheat pita bread but it is good enough to make you feel like you are cheating. Seriously – you won’t even miss the fat.
For breakfast I ate 2 Wasa crackers (4 g fiber) with some Laughing Cow Light cheese and a Clementine and for lunch I had a bowl of split-pea soup (8 g fiber) with about a cup of chopped asparagus (3 grams of fiber). Snack is an apple (4 g fiber) and right before I go home a pear (4 g fiber). Maybe all this fiber will help that nasty old cheeseburger move itself right outta my system.
Come on 179!
WTF?????
It kinda freaked me out at first because I know that I didn’t consume 3,500 calories over and above what I burned. Then I remembered that I didn’t poop yesterday so I really think that the inch up in the number on the scale must be because my body is hanging on to that nasty old cheeseburger. I didn’t make it onto the treadmill yesterday but did wash my truck and cleaned house which has to burn some calories. Didn’t sit down until about 7:30 last night so the increase (even if it was only a pound) really surprised me. The funny thing is that the slacks I’m wearing today are much looser in the legs and hips then they were 2 weeks ago.
We had a rather yummy dinner last night. I bought some yellow fin tuna steaks Saturday and 2 bundles of asparagus so the Mr. grilled them for me. I made some mashed potatoes for him and the kids to make up for making them eat “healthy” stuff but I just grabbed extra asparagus and opted out of the mashed potatoes.
I also wanted to share this creamy dip that I made:
1 cup no-fat cottage cheese
½ cup no-fat yogurt
1 clove of garlic
2 tablespoons no-fat Italian dressing (the dried stuff in a packet)
Sprinkle of cayenne pepper (depends on how hot you like it)
Whirl all of the ingredients in the mixer until creamy.
It is really creamy and taste sinful. I use it for dipping vegetables and chips made out of whole wheat pita bread but it is good enough to make you feel like you are cheating. Seriously – you won’t even miss the fat.
For breakfast I ate 2 Wasa crackers (4 g fiber) with some Laughing Cow Light cheese and a Clementine and for lunch I had a bowl of split-pea soup (8 g fiber) with about a cup of chopped asparagus (3 grams of fiber). Snack is an apple (4 g fiber) and right before I go home a pear (4 g fiber). Maybe all this fiber will help that nasty old cheeseburger move itself right outta my system.
Come on 179!
Friday, January 27, 2006
Treadmill Troubles
I’ve been having a little trouble over the last couple of days with exactly how many calories I burn when running on the treadmill. My treadmill, which allows me to key in my weight, age and track my heart rate, always returns a number of calories burned as a higher number than the results that show in fitday when I key in my minutes and miles. It had me bumfuzzled. Then Hilly pointed me to a neat site that tells you how many calories burned for each activity. (Mucho thanks Hilly)
Last night it finally hit me!
DUH – I always use the incline when I’m on the treadmill so I’m pretty sure it causes me to burn more calories than I would if running on a flat surface. My treadmill shows progress in laps and it takes 4 laps to equal a mile. I walk the first one between 3.5 and 3.8 mph then run 2 laps at 4.3 mph then walk 1, run for 3 then walk the last one kicking the mph slowly down to 3.2 as a warm down for a total of 2 miles. The walking is done with the incline set to 3.5 and the running with the incline on 1.5. With either fitday or caloriesperhour.com it doesn’t have a place to key in if you’ve used the incline. So for now I’m going to go by what my treadmill tells me since it has so much more information to calculate it on – that and the fact that it shows I’ve burnt more calories (hehe).
Reached a milestone today – I have my shirt tucked in. Not a huge milestone but a milestone nonetheless. My dress pants have fit **ahem** rather well up to this point and I just didn’t like the stretched seams screaming at people when I waddled my huge ass by them so I wear tailored shirts but with them hanging out. Today, even though the scales showed the same damn thing as yesterday, the pants are loose and are sitting down on my hips so I tucked in my shirt to keep them from causing me to show a little crack. Not that there is anything wrong with a little crack but just that it is so wrong in the workplace – even if I were a plumber. Really, they aren’t loose enough to fall off but the milestone is that I have enough confidence in the way I look to tuck my shirt in.
It is so easy to look at the tree instead of the forest and get disgusted or depressed that the weight isn’t falling off faster but really when I looked back I have lost 10 lbs in 2 months. Give me a second and let me take a step back and focus on the whole forest. Ok, better now. The silly, little girlie part of me wants it to all be over with and she wants so badly to weigh a measly 140 lbs but the grownup, woman reasons with the little girl and says that 10 lbs in 2 months is a good, steady way to lose weight.
SHUT UP WOMAN!
Didn’t have the chicken boobies for dinner last night because I’ve been busy packing stuff up and getting rid of stuff and last night it was pack up the china and stoneware to go to storage and then move all my scrapbook stuff from the front closet into a spare closet. I didn’t ever get hungry and really didn’t want to eat if I wasn’t hungry so I just grabbed a V8 and sipped on it while moving stuff around. Food calories yesterday came in at 720, which is rather low but again I didn’t want to FORCE myself to eat if I wasn’t hungry. I figured that if my body got hungry it would tell me so. That and the evil co-worker’s cheesecake that she forced (grins) on me the day before that caused me to come in 250 calories over what I had planned was sitting, fresh, on the top of my brain and I think some of it settled around my hips as well.
Last night it finally hit me!
DUH – I always use the incline when I’m on the treadmill so I’m pretty sure it causes me to burn more calories than I would if running on a flat surface. My treadmill shows progress in laps and it takes 4 laps to equal a mile. I walk the first one between 3.5 and 3.8 mph then run 2 laps at 4.3 mph then walk 1, run for 3 then walk the last one kicking the mph slowly down to 3.2 as a warm down for a total of 2 miles. The walking is done with the incline set to 3.5 and the running with the incline on 1.5. With either fitday or caloriesperhour.com it doesn’t have a place to key in if you’ve used the incline. So for now I’m going to go by what my treadmill tells me since it has so much more information to calculate it on – that and the fact that it shows I’ve burnt more calories (hehe).
Reached a milestone today – I have my shirt tucked in. Not a huge milestone but a milestone nonetheless. My dress pants have fit **ahem** rather well up to this point and I just didn’t like the stretched seams screaming at people when I waddled my huge ass by them so I wear tailored shirts but with them hanging out. Today, even though the scales showed the same damn thing as yesterday, the pants are loose and are sitting down on my hips so I tucked in my shirt to keep them from causing me to show a little crack. Not that there is anything wrong with a little crack but just that it is so wrong in the workplace – even if I were a plumber. Really, they aren’t loose enough to fall off but the milestone is that I have enough confidence in the way I look to tuck my shirt in.
It is so easy to look at the tree instead of the forest and get disgusted or depressed that the weight isn’t falling off faster but really when I looked back I have lost 10 lbs in 2 months. Give me a second and let me take a step back and focus on the whole forest. Ok, better now. The silly, little girlie part of me wants it to all be over with and she wants so badly to weigh a measly 140 lbs but the grownup, woman reasons with the little girl and says that 10 lbs in 2 months is a good, steady way to lose weight.
SHUT UP WOMAN!
Didn’t have the chicken boobies for dinner last night because I’ve been busy packing stuff up and getting rid of stuff and last night it was pack up the china and stoneware to go to storage and then move all my scrapbook stuff from the front closet into a spare closet. I didn’t ever get hungry and really didn’t want to eat if I wasn’t hungry so I just grabbed a V8 and sipped on it while moving stuff around. Food calories yesterday came in at 720, which is rather low but again I didn’t want to FORCE myself to eat if I wasn’t hungry. I figured that if my body got hungry it would tell me so. That and the evil co-worker’s cheesecake that she forced (grins) on me the day before that caused me to come in 250 calories over what I had planned was sitting, fresh, on the top of my brain and I think some of it settled around my hips as well.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Hungry Building Syndrome
I think I suffer from Hungry Building Syndrome.
Let me explain. While I’m at work I am always hungry and tend to lose my appetite when I am at home during the weekends and evenings. I think it started when I was pregnant this last time as I pretty much munched on something consistently to keep my blood sugars level. It was healthy stuff like an apple or carrots or celery but still I munched away. Only gained 20 lbs but since I was 175 when I got pregnant that is all I was supposed to gain but it started the bad habit of munching. I dropped back down to 175 lbs but started gaining weight when I started back to work because the munch habit kicked in and worked my way back up to 192 lbs. I wasn’t exactly munching healthy stuff unless chips and candy bars are considered healthy.
I sit at my desk for 7 to 8 hours a day so maybe I need a new job. Wonder if anyone will pay me to run. I did change my eating habits back to munching on healthy stuff but still I munch away. Think I could really lose some weight if I could break the munch habit. It just seems like if I don’t have something in my mouth then I’m starving to death – but only at work. I’m not really a gum smacker and chewing gum doesn’t help anyways as my stomach growls. I don’t know if this is actually physical hunger or more of a mental thing but I sure would like to know how to stop it. Hmmmm - counseling anyone?
On another note – one of my evil co-workers came through here yesterday passing out pieces of cheesecake so I indulged. UGH! It put me over my 1500 calories by about 250 calories yesterday and made a huge difference when I hopped on the ole treadmill last night. Once again I felt sluggish and just didn’t have any energy for the rest of the evening. I’m starting to think that downing sugar and fat late in the afternoon really has an effect on my lack of energy the rest of the evening. Brought a grapefruit and an apple today to satisfy any late afternoon munch fest so will see what that does to my energy level tonight. REALLY want to stick a knife in that co-workers back for offering me cheesecake (major weakness).
I know it really isn’t her fault and that I could’ve just said no but it looked so damn good and I haven’t had cheesecake in a really, really long time. Think I’m just going to have a talk with her and explain that I’m trying to lose weight and that I would really appreciate it if she didn’t even bother to offer me anymore fat, calorie laden foods (i.e. desserts). Hopped on the scales this morning and while it didn’t show a gain it didn’t show a loss either. Not that I think the cheesecake alone caused the scales to stay the same but that combined with the chips & salsa and the pizza from the day before probably didn’t do me any good.
I just really want to see something below 180 right now.
So for today food will be:
2 cups Honeydew melon
2 cups cucumbers and tomatoes
1.5 cups whole wheat pasta with ½ cup no sugar spaghetti sauce
1 grapefruit
**Updated**
1.5 cups whole wheat pasta with ½ cup no sugar spaghetti sauce
1 apple
Dinner will consist of grilled chicken booby, 3 cups lettuce with 2 tablespoons of no-fat vinaigrette and roasted red bell pepper.
Had black bean soup for lunch instead of the pasta (for the fiber - like 10 grams a serving) and 8 ounces of V8 juice for dinner because I wasn’t hungry last night and didn’t want to force myself to eat.
Maybe all that fiber will move things through my system faster.
SIGH!
Let me explain. While I’m at work I am always hungry and tend to lose my appetite when I am at home during the weekends and evenings. I think it started when I was pregnant this last time as I pretty much munched on something consistently to keep my blood sugars level. It was healthy stuff like an apple or carrots or celery but still I munched away. Only gained 20 lbs but since I was 175 when I got pregnant that is all I was supposed to gain but it started the bad habit of munching. I dropped back down to 175 lbs but started gaining weight when I started back to work because the munch habit kicked in and worked my way back up to 192 lbs. I wasn’t exactly munching healthy stuff unless chips and candy bars are considered healthy.
I sit at my desk for 7 to 8 hours a day so maybe I need a new job. Wonder if anyone will pay me to run. I did change my eating habits back to munching on healthy stuff but still I munch away. Think I could really lose some weight if I could break the munch habit. It just seems like if I don’t have something in my mouth then I’m starving to death – but only at work. I’m not really a gum smacker and chewing gum doesn’t help anyways as my stomach growls. I don’t know if this is actually physical hunger or more of a mental thing but I sure would like to know how to stop it. Hmmmm - counseling anyone?
On another note – one of my evil co-workers came through here yesterday passing out pieces of cheesecake so I indulged. UGH! It put me over my 1500 calories by about 250 calories yesterday and made a huge difference when I hopped on the ole treadmill last night. Once again I felt sluggish and just didn’t have any energy for the rest of the evening. I’m starting to think that downing sugar and fat late in the afternoon really has an effect on my lack of energy the rest of the evening. Brought a grapefruit and an apple today to satisfy any late afternoon munch fest so will see what that does to my energy level tonight. REALLY want to stick a knife in that co-workers back for offering me cheesecake (major weakness).
I know it really isn’t her fault and that I could’ve just said no but it looked so damn good and I haven’t had cheesecake in a really, really long time. Think I’m just going to have a talk with her and explain that I’m trying to lose weight and that I would really appreciate it if she didn’t even bother to offer me anymore fat, calorie laden foods (i.e. desserts). Hopped on the scales this morning and while it didn’t show a gain it didn’t show a loss either. Not that I think the cheesecake alone caused the scales to stay the same but that combined with the chips & salsa and the pizza from the day before probably didn’t do me any good.
I just really want to see something below 180 right now.
So for today food will be:
2 cups Honeydew melon
2 cups cucumbers and tomatoes
1.5 cups whole wheat pasta with ½ cup no sugar spaghetti sauce
1 grapefruit
**Updated**
1.5 cups whole wheat pasta with ½ cup no sugar spaghetti sauce
1 apple
Dinner will consist of grilled chicken booby, 3 cups lettuce with 2 tablespoons of no-fat vinaigrette and roasted red bell pepper.
Had black bean soup for lunch instead of the pasta (for the fiber - like 10 grams a serving) and 8 ounces of V8 juice for dinner because I wasn’t hungry last night and didn’t want to force myself to eat.
Maybe all that fiber will move things through my system faster.
SIGH!
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
When will I ever learn?
I’ve been tracking every morsel of food that passes these lips for about 3 weeks now and have about figured out that 1200 calories is just too low for me. I noticed a trend that when I lose weight my calories are closer to 1500. I just think that the 300 difference in calories might mean the difference between my body functioning properly and starvation mode.
Spoke with a good friend of mine, who happens to be studying nutrition, and she thought that 1200 might be a little low as well. Especially since I have been hopping on the ole treadmill for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half 5 to 6 times a week. Maybe I made a mistake in the beginning when I dropped my calories from only God knows how many a day to a measly 1200. Maybe my body needs more time to adjust to the lack of food. I’m going to try and keep my calories up around 1500 for a couple of weeks to see how I do and then will revisit it later on down the road to see if it needs to be cut back further. Probably when I plateau.
I figured that with my base metabolism and what little activity I do about 2700 to 3000 calories are being burnt up like vapor trails rising from the hot asphalt on a 100 degree day. If I run for an hour and a half my treadmill tells me that I’m burning up about 750 calories and if that is so then 1200 definitely isn’t enough that day.
On another note – I ran out of steam last night. When I got home from work I got on the treadmill and was it ever a chore. I couldn’t catch my breath at all so I only went 2 miles in 31 minutes and had to force myself to even do that. Afterwards I just lounged around on the couch because I didn’t have the energy or desire to do anything. Did force myself to do 45 leg lifts (each leg) while lying on the couch but not much else.
The Mr. asked me several times if I felt bad. Yech – YES! Why yes I sure do. Today we were trying to analyze why I dropped like a fly yesterday. We went over every little thing and I think it has to do with the tortilla chips and hot sauce I ate yesterday afternoon. Then after I got off the treadmill that lone piece of pepperoni pizza in the fridge kept calling my name so I nuked it for a bit and ate it. Did pick off most of the pepperoni and fed it to my youngest as she loves the stuff.
Still I think that the garbage poured into this old body of mine contributed to the sluggish nature I felt last night. Maybe, because I’ve been putting fruits and veggies and an occasional grilled yard-bird into my stomach it had to work really, really hard to figure out what to do with all that fat and grease I shoved down my face. So today I went back to my yummy, nutritious, delicious food fare from the “I don’t want to be fat anymore” food plan and feel better (was going to say feel normal but I’m not sure I know what normal feels like).
Hope this is a lesson learned for Ms. I Can’t Fit!
Spoke with a good friend of mine, who happens to be studying nutrition, and she thought that 1200 might be a little low as well. Especially since I have been hopping on the ole treadmill for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half 5 to 6 times a week. Maybe I made a mistake in the beginning when I dropped my calories from only God knows how many a day to a measly 1200. Maybe my body needs more time to adjust to the lack of food. I’m going to try and keep my calories up around 1500 for a couple of weeks to see how I do and then will revisit it later on down the road to see if it needs to be cut back further. Probably when I plateau.
I figured that with my base metabolism and what little activity I do about 2700 to 3000 calories are being burnt up like vapor trails rising from the hot asphalt on a 100 degree day. If I run for an hour and a half my treadmill tells me that I’m burning up about 750 calories and if that is so then 1200 definitely isn’t enough that day.
On another note – I ran out of steam last night. When I got home from work I got on the treadmill and was it ever a chore. I couldn’t catch my breath at all so I only went 2 miles in 31 minutes and had to force myself to even do that. Afterwards I just lounged around on the couch because I didn’t have the energy or desire to do anything. Did force myself to do 45 leg lifts (each leg) while lying on the couch but not much else.
The Mr. asked me several times if I felt bad. Yech – YES! Why yes I sure do. Today we were trying to analyze why I dropped like a fly yesterday. We went over every little thing and I think it has to do with the tortilla chips and hot sauce I ate yesterday afternoon. Then after I got off the treadmill that lone piece of pepperoni pizza in the fridge kept calling my name so I nuked it for a bit and ate it. Did pick off most of the pepperoni and fed it to my youngest as she loves the stuff.
Still I think that the garbage poured into this old body of mine contributed to the sluggish nature I felt last night. Maybe, because I’ve been putting fruits and veggies and an occasional grilled yard-bird into my stomach it had to work really, really hard to figure out what to do with all that fat and grease I shoved down my face. So today I went back to my yummy, nutritious, delicious food fare from the “I don’t want to be fat anymore” food plan and feel better (was going to say feel normal but I’m not sure I know what normal feels like).
Hope this is a lesson learned for Ms. I Can’t Fit!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Just For Today!
I was talking to an old friend this morning, well old in the fact that yes he is old and also that I’ve know him for a long, long time. I’ve know him longer than I’ve know my husband. We got to talking about this whole “I Don’t Want to be Fat Anymore” food plan that I’m on and the need to throw real regular exercise in the mix because I will plateau at some point. He asked me how much I want to lose and when I said 40 lbs – he said “Wow, that much?” “I don’t think you need to lose that much”.
**insert manic giggling here**
He knew me before. Before my thyroid crapped out and went on hiatus. Before I divorced and remarried. Before I gained almost 70 lbs. Before I had my 3rd child. Before I turned in to the snarky, well curved woman that stands before you today. Ok, ok, the snarkiness has always been here but before everything else I mentioned. He actually said “What did you weigh before? Because I thought you were too thin before and could stand to gain 10 pounds. I think you are just right now.”.
He made me feel good for a minute.
But just for a minute. I thought back to ancient times when I weighed 130 pounds and don’t remember ever thinking that I was thin. Actually I remember the fat hanging off of my body. I remember my size 7 jeans fitting a little too tight at times. I remember when I compared myself to others that I didn’t quite measure up or rather measure down or measure small enough or whatever measuring cup you choose to use.
Funny?
My goal is 140 lbs but I’m wondering if that is a realistic goal since I’m 5’8” and am now in my 40’s (early 40’s). So, while I’m going to keep my tracker at the top of this page to reflect 140 lbs I think that I’m just going to eat right (most of the time) and exercise and let my body decide at what weight it needs to settle at. It is a rather uncertain goal but I think that I will just know when I reach a weight that I’m comfortable with (and right now it would be practically ANYTHING under 180). I’m going to try and not focus on the numbers nearly as much as I do the whole “get your body healthy girl” thangie that is going on.
So for today, and it will likely change tomorrow or early next week, I’m comfortable with the changes I’ve made already. I’m comfortable with the 9.5 lbs lost so far. I’m comfortable passing up that piece of cheesecake and I’m comfortable just plugging along with my new food plan. Even if I don’t obtain that 140 lb carrot hanging out there somewhere in front of me the changes I have made so far are good changes and I’m much healthier than I was 2 months ago.
So to all the people out here in blogland who are trying to lose weight I lift my low-fat virgin daiquiri and sip to your health and happiness.
**insert manic giggling here**
He knew me before. Before my thyroid crapped out and went on hiatus. Before I divorced and remarried. Before I gained almost 70 lbs. Before I had my 3rd child. Before I turned in to the snarky, well curved woman that stands before you today. Ok, ok, the snarkiness has always been here but before everything else I mentioned. He actually said “What did you weigh before? Because I thought you were too thin before and could stand to gain 10 pounds. I think you are just right now.”.
He made me feel good for a minute.
But just for a minute. I thought back to ancient times when I weighed 130 pounds and don’t remember ever thinking that I was thin. Actually I remember the fat hanging off of my body. I remember my size 7 jeans fitting a little too tight at times. I remember when I compared myself to others that I didn’t quite measure up or rather measure down or measure small enough or whatever measuring cup you choose to use.
Funny?
My goal is 140 lbs but I’m wondering if that is a realistic goal since I’m 5’8” and am now in my 40’s (early 40’s). So, while I’m going to keep my tracker at the top of this page to reflect 140 lbs I think that I’m just going to eat right (most of the time) and exercise and let my body decide at what weight it needs to settle at. It is a rather uncertain goal but I think that I will just know when I reach a weight that I’m comfortable with (and right now it would be practically ANYTHING under 180). I’m going to try and not focus on the numbers nearly as much as I do the whole “get your body healthy girl” thangie that is going on.
So for today, and it will likely change tomorrow or early next week, I’m comfortable with the changes I’ve made already. I’m comfortable with the 9.5 lbs lost so far. I’m comfortable passing up that piece of cheesecake and I’m comfortable just plugging along with my new food plan. Even if I don’t obtain that 140 lb carrot hanging out there somewhere in front of me the changes I have made so far are good changes and I’m much healthier than I was 2 months ago.
So to all the people out here in blogland who are trying to lose weight I lift my low-fat virgin daiquiri and sip to your health and happiness.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Something Lost and Something Found!
PF Changs wasn’t so bad after all. Knowing that we were going to PF Chang’s Saturday night and that I probably wouldn’t behave on the food front I got up Saturday morning and did some spring cleaning. Hey spring cleaning equals exercise. We had reservations at 8 pm which is later than I like to eat but I was busy Saturday and figured that I had burnt enough calories to afford it. I did splurge and had 1 dumpling, 1 lettuce wrap and then settled down for my Buddah’s Feast steamed. It was just a big bowl of steamed veggies and I did allow myself a couple of beers. I haven’t had any alcohol for 2 weeks and when we decided to go bowling afterwards I figured that any empty calories from the beers would be burnt off bowling.
Then Sunday morning, feeling guilty for the dumpling and beers, I got up and cleaned up the kitchen, washroom and dining room including moving out the fridge, washer and dryer and chasing any and all dust bunnies that were behind/under them. I also cleaned out and vacuumed my truck then my middle son and I went to the mall. I asked him to walk 1 turn around the mall with me first before we went shopping so we did. Then we started back at where we entered and went into almost every store. All in all we walked about 2 hours so I figured it was more calories burnt there.
Last night, while lying down, I thought that I felt my hip bones. I had lost them years ago and forgot what they felt like so when I put my hand on my hip and felt a bone I wasn’t certain that it actually was MY hip bone and not something in my pocket. This morning I checked again and YEP it was definitely a hip bone that I felt. I tried on a pair of black pants that haven’t fit for 3 or 4 years and was able to get them buttoned so I wore them to work today. They are a little tight in the waist (not butt) but I was just happy that I actually could get them buttoned because prior to today the buttons didn’t even remotely approach each other when I tried them on. It was a Grand Canyon between the button and button hole.
When I hopped on the scales this morning I had lost a pound over the weekend which really surprised me since I hadn’t behaved and had 2 slices of pizza for lunch Sunday along with the dumpling and beers Saturday night. I did make rather yummy veggie lasagna for my dinner Sunday night which will also double as lunch for the next couple of days. I used the whole wheat lasagna noodles that are enriched, some no sugar added pasta sauce, a whole bag of spinach, 1 zucchini (sliced) and instead of ricotta cheese I used 1 block of tofu and 1 cup of fat free cottage cheese then I sprinkled about ¼ cup of real parmesan cheese on top for flavor. Don’t know the nutritional value of this but it was rather yummy and I figured the only fat was the tablespoon of Olive Oil I used to sauté the onion and garlic in and the ¼ cup of parmesan cheese. Plus all the fiber in the pasta, spinach and zucchini should help move stuff through my system faster.
So for now I lost a pound and found some hip bones. If anyone has lost their hip bones please contact me as I’m still not sure that they are mine.
Then Sunday morning, feeling guilty for the dumpling and beers, I got up and cleaned up the kitchen, washroom and dining room including moving out the fridge, washer and dryer and chasing any and all dust bunnies that were behind/under them. I also cleaned out and vacuumed my truck then my middle son and I went to the mall. I asked him to walk 1 turn around the mall with me first before we went shopping so we did. Then we started back at where we entered and went into almost every store. All in all we walked about 2 hours so I figured it was more calories burnt there.
Last night, while lying down, I thought that I felt my hip bones. I had lost them years ago and forgot what they felt like so when I put my hand on my hip and felt a bone I wasn’t certain that it actually was MY hip bone and not something in my pocket. This morning I checked again and YEP it was definitely a hip bone that I felt. I tried on a pair of black pants that haven’t fit for 3 or 4 years and was able to get them buttoned so I wore them to work today. They are a little tight in the waist (not butt) but I was just happy that I actually could get them buttoned because prior to today the buttons didn’t even remotely approach each other when I tried them on. It was a Grand Canyon between the button and button hole.
When I hopped on the scales this morning I had lost a pound over the weekend which really surprised me since I hadn’t behaved and had 2 slices of pizza for lunch Sunday along with the dumpling and beers Saturday night. I did make rather yummy veggie lasagna for my dinner Sunday night which will also double as lunch for the next couple of days. I used the whole wheat lasagna noodles that are enriched, some no sugar added pasta sauce, a whole bag of spinach, 1 zucchini (sliced) and instead of ricotta cheese I used 1 block of tofu and 1 cup of fat free cottage cheese then I sprinkled about ¼ cup of real parmesan cheese on top for flavor. Don’t know the nutritional value of this but it was rather yummy and I figured the only fat was the tablespoon of Olive Oil I used to sauté the onion and garlic in and the ¼ cup of parmesan cheese. Plus all the fiber in the pasta, spinach and zucchini should help move stuff through my system faster.
So for now I lost a pound and found some hip bones. If anyone has lost their hip bones please contact me as I’m still not sure that they are mine.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
I Still Can't Fit!
Ugh – wasn’t able to exercise to speak of last night.
The boy (middle child) had a school sporting event that didn’t end until 9:00 so I didn’t get home until 9:30 last night. I had the forethought to grab an apple to munch on while at the event so that kept me from diving head first into the hotdogs, nachos, chili-cheese Frito pie and other crap they sell at the event but I did splurge on a bottle of water **insert grin here as I’m being sarcastic**.
By the time we finally got home I was both exhausted and starving. Everything and I mean everything in the fridge and cupboard looked absolutely wonderful but I decided that since I hadn’t exercised that I was sticking to my “I Don’t Want to be Fat Anymore” diet. I looked through the fridge and here is what I threw together:
3 scallops
½ cup broccoli floweret’s
½ can garbanzo beans, rinsed
5 cherry tomatoes, sliced in half
1 fennel bulb, thinly sliced
2 cloves of garlic, minced
Juice of ½ a lemon
Small drizzle of olive oil.
Turn the oven on to 350º. Arrange the fennel slices on the bottom of a large piece of parchment paper. Sprinkle the broccoli, garbanzo beans and cherry tomato halves on top of the fennel. Drizzle with olive oil (about 1 teaspoon). Arrange the 3 scallops on top of that. Scatter the chopped garlic and squeeze on the lemon juice. Sprinkle the whole concoction with Old Bay Seasoning (or the seasoning of choice). Put another piece of parchment paper on top and fold the sides – sealing the whole thing. I let it bake in the 350º oven for about 15 minutes. Using lemon juice keeps me from grabbing the salt shaker.
It was very tasty, very filling, hit the spot, insert whatever other clichés you want here, low-fat, high fiber and I’m sorry that I don’t know how many WW points this is for those who are on WW.
Then this morning I had a discussion with the Mr. about the dinner date at PF Chang’s this weekend and we discussed why I didn’t really want to go and how much pressure I was feeling about the whole situation. He said that we didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to and that he would call and say that HE didn’t want to go instead of putting the blame on me. He also said that he didn’t care how much I weighed and that he loves me if I wore a size 5 or a size 14 that my weight didn’t have anything to do with the way he felt about me. The only reason he was encouraging me in all of this is because he wants me to be healthy so that I can be around a long time.
I realized that the pressure was what I was putting on myself and those women had seen me fat for a while. It shouldn’t matter what they think but it does. I know that 8.5 pounds lost is nothing to scoff at and if I can stay on track and focus on the day to day stuff instead of trying to focus on what is going to happen next week or next month I can stay on target. Taking it one day at a time is what I’m trying to do and I’m trying NOT to worry about it.
I decided to go to the dinner date since I already scoped out PF Chang’s menu (don’t you just love the World Wide Web?) and have found 3 or 4 things I can eat and still stay within my 1200 calorie daily limit. Instead of focusing on how much I can lose by Saturday I will focus on what I’m doing today and look forward to this summer when we all get together and go out on the lake and I can finally hold my own in a swimsuit. Well, not that I really want something to hold but that I don’t have to feel like the beached whale around all the other babes on the boat.
By my calculations, if I lose 1 ½ pounds a week I can be fit and down to my goal weight (140) by July 20, 2006.
The boy (middle child) had a school sporting event that didn’t end until 9:00 so I didn’t get home until 9:30 last night. I had the forethought to grab an apple to munch on while at the event so that kept me from diving head first into the hotdogs, nachos, chili-cheese Frito pie and other crap they sell at the event but I did splurge on a bottle of water **insert grin here as I’m being sarcastic**.
By the time we finally got home I was both exhausted and starving. Everything and I mean everything in the fridge and cupboard looked absolutely wonderful but I decided that since I hadn’t exercised that I was sticking to my “I Don’t Want to be Fat Anymore” diet. I looked through the fridge and here is what I threw together:
3 scallops
½ cup broccoli floweret’s
½ can garbanzo beans, rinsed
5 cherry tomatoes, sliced in half
1 fennel bulb, thinly sliced
2 cloves of garlic, minced
Juice of ½ a lemon
Small drizzle of olive oil.
Turn the oven on to 350º. Arrange the fennel slices on the bottom of a large piece of parchment paper. Sprinkle the broccoli, garbanzo beans and cherry tomato halves on top of the fennel. Drizzle with olive oil (about 1 teaspoon). Arrange the 3 scallops on top of that. Scatter the chopped garlic and squeeze on the lemon juice. Sprinkle the whole concoction with Old Bay Seasoning (or the seasoning of choice). Put another piece of parchment paper on top and fold the sides – sealing the whole thing. I let it bake in the 350º oven for about 15 minutes. Using lemon juice keeps me from grabbing the salt shaker.
It was very tasty, very filling, hit the spot, insert whatever other clichés you want here, low-fat, high fiber and I’m sorry that I don’t know how many WW points this is for those who are on WW.
Then this morning I had a discussion with the Mr. about the dinner date at PF Chang’s this weekend and we discussed why I didn’t really want to go and how much pressure I was feeling about the whole situation. He said that we didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to and that he would call and say that HE didn’t want to go instead of putting the blame on me. He also said that he didn’t care how much I weighed and that he loves me if I wore a size 5 or a size 14 that my weight didn’t have anything to do with the way he felt about me. The only reason he was encouraging me in all of this is because he wants me to be healthy so that I can be around a long time.
I realized that the pressure was what I was putting on myself and those women had seen me fat for a while. It shouldn’t matter what they think but it does. I know that 8.5 pounds lost is nothing to scoff at and if I can stay on track and focus on the day to day stuff instead of trying to focus on what is going to happen next week or next month I can stay on target. Taking it one day at a time is what I’m trying to do and I’m trying NOT to worry about it.
I decided to go to the dinner date since I already scoped out PF Chang’s menu (don’t you just love the World Wide Web?) and have found 3 or 4 things I can eat and still stay within my 1200 calorie daily limit. Instead of focusing on how much I can lose by Saturday I will focus on what I’m doing today and look forward to this summer when we all get together and go out on the lake and I can finally hold my own in a swimsuit. Well, not that I really want something to hold but that I don’t have to feel like the beached whale around all the other babes on the boat.
By my calculations, if I lose 1 ½ pounds a week I can be fit and down to my goal weight (140) by July 20, 2006.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Where OCD meets Shallow Hal
I have a small confession to make. Ok, ok it is a rather large confession but let’s just brush it under the rug after we write about it – O.K.?
The confession is this: I, at one time in my life, suffered from anorexia/bulimia.
After standing 5’8” and weighing 130 lbs (132 lbs when I was on the rag) until I was 29 years old I quickly spun out of control and dropped down to 117 lbs. To put this into perspective I normally (not that I’m normal) wore a size 7 and dropped down to a size 3. It was WAY to thin on my frame and definitely wasn’t very healthy nor did I employ a healthy way to lose the weight. I sustained myself on 1 coke a day and if and when I tried to eat – most of it would come back up.
I’m not trying to rub this in anyone’s face just stating some facts so that you (and I) know that I have the ability to spin out of control. I suffer from OCD and occasionally it rears its ugly little head at the most odd times. Most of the time it can be satisfied with turning all the pots and pan handles a certain way, C-folding all the towels, arranging the cookbooks from largest to smallest and cleaning the corners of the floors with q-tips – but sometimes it needs to be fed with more drastic measures.
The thing is this – I lost 2 lbs over the weekend and when I climbed on the scales (again) this morning I had dropped another pound - three pounds in three days. When I got to work today I started feeling a little crampy so pulled out the calendar so see when Aunt Flow is supposed to arrive for her mini-vacation. She is due to day. What woman, in her right mind, loses weight the day she is due to receive her precious Aunt Flow? Not that I’ve ever claimed to be in my right mind but come on.
Not me, not ever!!!!!
Shallow Hal boarded the ship because of the dinner date we have this weekend, at PF Changs, with friends. One girl has spat out 2 children in 12 months (yes they are 4 days shy of being exactly 12 months apart) and she has already returned to her pre-pre-pregnancy weight. Another gal is 6’2” and weighs about 140 lbs – the bitch - I just want to hold her down and spackle her ass with about 40 lbs of Cadbury Eggs Hilly was talking about the other day. Just kidding – about the spackling part not the bitch part because she really is a bitch. Nobody likes her and if it wasn’t for her husband being our friend we wouldn’t ever have to see her again. The third woman is 8 months pregnant and has put on all of about a pound or two. The last woman, mother of two, also looks “normal” or at least is of a normal weight. Then there is me – fat-assed me – huge I really need 2 chairs me – ignore me while I suck this duck sauce off my sweater where it dripped me.
I want so badly to lose enough weight by Saturday so that the other women in the picture can at least tell that I have lost weight. Welcome Shallow Hal, come on in and take a seat in the recliner on the right. Better yet, get your ass up on that treadmill and help me lose about 20 lbs by Saturday. Did I mention that all of these women are 14 years younger than I am – no I don’t think I did – somehow it just doesn’t matter? What matters is that I can feel myself spinning out of control once again.
I’m compulsively logging in every bite that passes these lips and every little sip of every little thing including water. I’m entering in every possible food combination for the day to make sure that it totals UNDER 1200 calories and am having to struggle to keep it up around 1190 instead of 900 calories. I’m fidgeting and bouncing my legs when sitting at my desk and pacing up and down the dock when I go smoke a cigarette, walking around the house at night while hoisting 10 lb weights in each hand and jumping on the treadmill every chance I get. I’m spinning out of control. I can feel it and it is a rather familiar feeling – too familiar.
I have to tell you that it is both scary and exciting at the same time. I know what I’m capable of doing I just don’t know if I will be able to stop.
The confession is this: I, at one time in my life, suffered from anorexia/bulimia.
After standing 5’8” and weighing 130 lbs (132 lbs when I was on the rag) until I was 29 years old I quickly spun out of control and dropped down to 117 lbs. To put this into perspective I normally (not that I’m normal) wore a size 7 and dropped down to a size 3. It was WAY to thin on my frame and definitely wasn’t very healthy nor did I employ a healthy way to lose the weight. I sustained myself on 1 coke a day and if and when I tried to eat – most of it would come back up.
I’m not trying to rub this in anyone’s face just stating some facts so that you (and I) know that I have the ability to spin out of control. I suffer from OCD and occasionally it rears its ugly little head at the most odd times. Most of the time it can be satisfied with turning all the pots and pan handles a certain way, C-folding all the towels, arranging the cookbooks from largest to smallest and cleaning the corners of the floors with q-tips – but sometimes it needs to be fed with more drastic measures.
The thing is this – I lost 2 lbs over the weekend and when I climbed on the scales (again) this morning I had dropped another pound - three pounds in three days. When I got to work today I started feeling a little crampy so pulled out the calendar so see when Aunt Flow is supposed to arrive for her mini-vacation. She is due to day. What woman, in her right mind, loses weight the day she is due to receive her precious Aunt Flow? Not that I’ve ever claimed to be in my right mind but come on.
Not me, not ever!!!!!
Shallow Hal boarded the ship because of the dinner date we have this weekend, at PF Changs, with friends. One girl has spat out 2 children in 12 months (yes they are 4 days shy of being exactly 12 months apart) and she has already returned to her pre-pre-pregnancy weight. Another gal is 6’2” and weighs about 140 lbs – the bitch - I just want to hold her down and spackle her ass with about 40 lbs of Cadbury Eggs Hilly was talking about the other day. Just kidding – about the spackling part not the bitch part because she really is a bitch. Nobody likes her and if it wasn’t for her husband being our friend we wouldn’t ever have to see her again. The third woman is 8 months pregnant and has put on all of about a pound or two. The last woman, mother of two, also looks “normal” or at least is of a normal weight. Then there is me – fat-assed me – huge I really need 2 chairs me – ignore me while I suck this duck sauce off my sweater where it dripped me.
I want so badly to lose enough weight by Saturday so that the other women in the picture can at least tell that I have lost weight. Welcome Shallow Hal, come on in and take a seat in the recliner on the right. Better yet, get your ass up on that treadmill and help me lose about 20 lbs by Saturday. Did I mention that all of these women are 14 years younger than I am – no I don’t think I did – somehow it just doesn’t matter? What matters is that I can feel myself spinning out of control once again.
I’m compulsively logging in every bite that passes these lips and every little sip of every little thing including water. I’m entering in every possible food combination for the day to make sure that it totals UNDER 1200 calories and am having to struggle to keep it up around 1190 instead of 900 calories. I’m fidgeting and bouncing my legs when sitting at my desk and pacing up and down the dock when I go smoke a cigarette, walking around the house at night while hoisting 10 lb weights in each hand and jumping on the treadmill every chance I get. I’m spinning out of control. I can feel it and it is a rather familiar feeling – too familiar.
I have to tell you that it is both scary and exciting at the same time. I know what I’m capable of doing I just don’t know if I will be able to stop.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Minus 2 and counting
Down 2 lbs over the weekend. For some strange reason weekends seem to be easier to stay on this "I Don't Want to be Fat Anymore Damn Diet" than during the week. I think we suffer from "fat building syndrome" - it is like the sick building syndrome except you get fat as well as sick.
Have kept my calories under 1000 for 3 days now and managed to bag up 17 bags of leaves out of the yard this weekend (oh the joys of home ownership) as well as hopping on the ole treadmill for a little 30 minute run tonight.
Things just seem to be falling in place right now but I'm waiting for the OTHER shoe to drop!
Have kept my calories under 1000 for 3 days now and managed to bag up 17 bags of leaves out of the yard this weekend (oh the joys of home ownership) as well as hopping on the ole treadmill for a little 30 minute run tonight.
Things just seem to be falling in place right now but I'm waiting for the OTHER shoe to drop!
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Tag You're It!
I've been tagged!!
Hilly has tagged me on her site and I have to answer these questions and as a reward, I get to tag 4 other unsuspecting bloggers or blogettes. Here goes!
Four jobs you have had in your life:
Technical Analyst
Contract Manager
Long John Silver's Cashier
Human Resourses Recruiter
Four movies you could watch over and over:
Blazing Saddles
Tombstone
Fried Green Tomatoes
anything with Vin Diesel in it.
Four TV shows you love to watch:
I'm at a HUGE loss here because I don't really watch T.V. but probably anything on the FoodNetwork would do.
Places you've been on vacation:
Kerrville
Los Angeles
Hawaii
Las Vegas
Four of your favorite foods:
Chocolate
Cheescake
Pizza
Rum
Four places you'd rather be right now:
The Farm
Port Aransas, TX
My Hot tub
Thin!
Four sites I visit daily:
Dooce
The Food Whore
Waiter Rant
Fat Man
Four people I will tag
Well I don't know 4 people on here and am not sure anyone reads this anyways so if you want to tag yourself go ahead!
Hilly has tagged me on her site and I have to answer these questions and as a reward, I get to tag 4 other unsuspecting bloggers or blogettes. Here goes!
Four jobs you have had in your life:
Technical Analyst
Contract Manager
Long John Silver's Cashier
Human Resourses Recruiter
Four movies you could watch over and over:
Blazing Saddles
Tombstone
Fried Green Tomatoes
anything with Vin Diesel in it.
Four TV shows you love to watch:
I'm at a HUGE loss here because I don't really watch T.V. but probably anything on the FoodNetwork would do.
Places you've been on vacation:
Kerrville
Los Angeles
Hawaii
Las Vegas
Four of your favorite foods:
Chocolate
Cheescake
Pizza
Rum
Four places you'd rather be right now:
The Farm
Port Aransas, TX
My Hot tub
Thin!
Four sites I visit daily:
Dooce
The Food Whore
Waiter Rant
Fat Man
Four people I will tag
Well I don't know 4 people on here and am not sure anyone reads this anyways so if you want to tag yourself go ahead!
Friday, January 13, 2006
Blunder Girl!
A good friend called yesterday. I haven’t seen her in about a year or so. She wanted to meet me for dinner, I said yes but then the panic set in. I’ve been trying so hard this week and have actually consumed less than the 1200-calorie a day “I Don’t Want to be Fat Anymore Diet” that I’m on. Not much less but since I’m already full from dinner I have skipped my evening snack. She suggested “Sardines” an Italian restaurant locally. More panic, stomach sinks and heavy breathing starts – does an Italian restaurant actually have ANYTHING on their menu that I can eat. I googled them and they didn’t have a website or menu that I could peruse ahead of time.
Oh Hell!
So I just decided that one day wouldn’t hurt me and I went. It bothered me all night. It was what I was thinking about while trying to catch up on her life and family – in the back of my mind, rolling around, was “You blew it buster”. Got home rather late 9:30, which was way too late to exercise since my wake-up call comes at 5:00 in the morning. I went ahead and packed my breakfast, lunch and snack for today and hopped in bed at 10:30 for a quick roll in the hay with the Mr. and I mean quick. Does that count as exercise?
It woke me up several times worrying about the extra calories that I had consumed and the thought of that spaghetti just settling itself right down on my hips was agonizing. I hopped on the scales this morning to see exactly what the total damage was and was rather surprised when the scales said the exact same thing they said yesterday. Well, not that my scales actually talk, but at least they can read. Then when I got to work I subtracted out the dinner I was SUPPOSED to eat and added in the dinner actually consumed and again was surprised to see that I only ate 1300 calories yesterday. Figured it would be much more then that. I had the Veal Marsala and a side of spaghetti but did leave about 1/3 of it on the plate. Not because I wasn’t hungry but because I was just too damn busy flappin my jaws to shovel food in. I figured out that I could just skip snack again tonight to make up those lousy 100 calories that were indulged in yesterday.
Oh, yeah and I bought a pack of cigarettes on my way home last night. When we were done eating and I got into my car I had a message from the Mr. saying that we needed milk so I’m totally blaming this one on him because if I hadn’t stopped for milk I wouldn’t have bought cigarettes. Actually, that is a bald faced lie; I probably would’ve bought them today. That whole thing about people gaining 10 lbs when they stop smoking is rolling around in this old noggin along with last night’s blunder which will probably still turn into blubber.
Oh Hell!
So I just decided that one day wouldn’t hurt me and I went. It bothered me all night. It was what I was thinking about while trying to catch up on her life and family – in the back of my mind, rolling around, was “You blew it buster”. Got home rather late 9:30, which was way too late to exercise since my wake-up call comes at 5:00 in the morning. I went ahead and packed my breakfast, lunch and snack for today and hopped in bed at 10:30 for a quick roll in the hay with the Mr. and I mean quick. Does that count as exercise?
It woke me up several times worrying about the extra calories that I had consumed and the thought of that spaghetti just settling itself right down on my hips was agonizing. I hopped on the scales this morning to see exactly what the total damage was and was rather surprised when the scales said the exact same thing they said yesterday. Well, not that my scales actually talk, but at least they can read. Then when I got to work I subtracted out the dinner I was SUPPOSED to eat and added in the dinner actually consumed and again was surprised to see that I only ate 1300 calories yesterday. Figured it would be much more then that. I had the Veal Marsala and a side of spaghetti but did leave about 1/3 of it on the plate. Not because I wasn’t hungry but because I was just too damn busy flappin my jaws to shovel food in. I figured out that I could just skip snack again tonight to make up those lousy 100 calories that were indulged in yesterday.
Oh, yeah and I bought a pack of cigarettes on my way home last night. When we were done eating and I got into my car I had a message from the Mr. saying that we needed milk so I’m totally blaming this one on him because if I hadn’t stopped for milk I wouldn’t have bought cigarettes. Actually, that is a bald faced lie; I probably would’ve bought them today. That whole thing about people gaining 10 lbs when they stop smoking is rolling around in this old noggin along with last night’s blunder which will probably still turn into blubber.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Blog Damn Diet!
Ok – I been on this Blog Damn diet for going on 4 days now and the scale hasn’t budged an inch. Well, really, it did budge but that was when I accidentally kicked it while trying to step on it while half asleep.
This is so frustrating!
My brain knows that 4 days really isn’t enough of being good to start reversing things AND I haven’t exercised yet but come on – I have denied myself the stuff I want with absolutely no reward. I’m all about rewards. I really need to start exercising mainly because that has always been the key for me to lose weight and the lack of exercise is exactly why I’m sitting at 186 lbs. I just can’t seem to find the time – really need a 36 hour day sometimes. If they would just hook my keyboard and monitor up to a treadmill, at work, that would help tremendously.
The good news is that I’m interviewing with a company that is very health conscious and even pays for their employee’s membership to the gym that is right across the street from their building. It will be more money but I’m so on that job like stink on shit, if offered one, simply because of the gym membership. They also encourage their employees to go workout on their lunch hour. Wow – to get a whole hour for lunch – something I haven’t had for years.
Then there is the whole “giving up smoking” idea. I have 4 cigarettes left and I’m hording them like chocolate because they are the last. I won’t be buying another pack of cigarettes after I finish this one. The thing is that I’m kinda scared about stopping smoking right now. Just the thought that people usually gain weight when they stop smoking because, lets face it, smoking depresses your appetite, really has me in a tizzy. I need to stop for my health, first off, and because it goes along with the whole healthy theme that I’m trying to incorporate into my life right now.
Then the Mr. came home last night and told me that several of our friends want to get together on the 21st and go to PF Changs. ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHH! I’m so dreading it and my stomach really sank when he said it. He is aware that I’m dieting right now and was kind enough to ask if I wanted to go or not saying that if I didn’t he would just tell them that we had other plans that day. What a wonderful man! I gonna get on line and see if there is anything on the menu that comes even remotely close to something I can actually consume before I give him a decision. Most of us have had children in the last couple of years and the getting together is just harder these days so it would be really nice to catch up with everyone.
I think I just need to schedule some workout time. Pencil it in on the calendar. Right between cooking dinner and doing laundry! YEAH RIGHT!
This is so frustrating!
My brain knows that 4 days really isn’t enough of being good to start reversing things AND I haven’t exercised yet but come on – I have denied myself the stuff I want with absolutely no reward. I’m all about rewards. I really need to start exercising mainly because that has always been the key for me to lose weight and the lack of exercise is exactly why I’m sitting at 186 lbs. I just can’t seem to find the time – really need a 36 hour day sometimes. If they would just hook my keyboard and monitor up to a treadmill, at work, that would help tremendously.
The good news is that I’m interviewing with a company that is very health conscious and even pays for their employee’s membership to the gym that is right across the street from their building. It will be more money but I’m so on that job like stink on shit, if offered one, simply because of the gym membership. They also encourage their employees to go workout on their lunch hour. Wow – to get a whole hour for lunch – something I haven’t had for years.
Then there is the whole “giving up smoking” idea. I have 4 cigarettes left and I’m hording them like chocolate because they are the last. I won’t be buying another pack of cigarettes after I finish this one. The thing is that I’m kinda scared about stopping smoking right now. Just the thought that people usually gain weight when they stop smoking because, lets face it, smoking depresses your appetite, really has me in a tizzy. I need to stop for my health, first off, and because it goes along with the whole healthy theme that I’m trying to incorporate into my life right now.
Then the Mr. came home last night and told me that several of our friends want to get together on the 21st and go to PF Changs. ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHH! I’m so dreading it and my stomach really sank when he said it. He is aware that I’m dieting right now and was kind enough to ask if I wanted to go or not saying that if I didn’t he would just tell them that we had other plans that day. What a wonderful man! I gonna get on line and see if there is anything on the menu that comes even remotely close to something I can actually consume before I give him a decision. Most of us have had children in the last couple of years and the getting together is just harder these days so it would be really nice to catch up with everyone.
I think I just need to schedule some workout time. Pencil it in on the calendar. Right between cooking dinner and doing laundry! YEAH RIGHT!
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Can You Smell What the Rock is Cooking?
I haven’t posted because there hasn’t been any change. No gains nor has there been a loss either. I haven’t exactly been bad but I haven’t been good either. There sure are a lot of have-not’s in those three sentences – a lot of negative vibes going on!
While reading everyone else’s blogs I realized that pretty much everyone had a New Year’s resolution to really buckle down and start after the first of the year. I didn’t make a New Year’s resolution because I hadn’t gotten to the place, in my mind, where I could. I wanted to start eating right and get healthy but just wasn’t to the place mentally where I felt I could commit to it.
I finally got there – I pulled out a book that I already had that outlined the G-Index diet. I hate that word – DIET! Really this doesn’t need to be a diet but rather a lifestyle change. I don’t need to go on a diet but I do need to change the way I eat, exercise and just about everything else I do. The thing about this “change” is that it actually requires brain cells – you have to plan out your meals and snacks – brain cells that I already have precious few of. Instead of grabbing something quick and easy I now have to actually put certain things together. Oh well, I really needed to dust off my food scale anyways.
The foods are filling and utilize lots of veggies and fruits but they DID have the gall to ask me to give up my precious coffee. Apparently caffeine stimulates the appetite, blood sugar and insulin and God knows that while I do like some things stimulated my appetite isn’t one of them! I’m cutting back slow rather than stopping cold-turkey because I don’t want to suffer from withdrawal headaches while I’m trying to eat right so for now it is just 1 cup of coffee in the morning and I will be switching to half caffeine/half de-café next week. I don’t drink sodas or tea so I don’t have to worry about cutting that out.
Last night I stopped by a health food store, looking for some cracked-wheat bread and instead got all involved in an ionized foot bath. It took 30 minutes and is supposed to draw out all the toxins in your body. I might as well try to heal myself while I’m trying to get healthy. The water was really gross with all the scum it pulled out of my system and I could tell a difference as I had way more energy last night than I’ve had in about 8 years. I’m going to do the foot-bath thangie, once a week, for the next 8 to 10 weeks to see if it keeps helping with the rather lethargic way I have been feeling.
While I was soaking my tootsies (good thing I got a pedicure recently) and talking to the wonderful lady who ran the show we started talking about bowel movements and I realized that I hadn’t had one for about 3 days so now I’m also on a detox program for the next 10 days that is supposed to cleanse out everything hanging around in my lower GI tract. Once all that shit is out of my system maybe I will experience a loss of a pound or five.
The other thing I did was bought a cute pant-suit that when I tried it on was one of those “I could wear it, but should I?” type of pant-suits. I could get the pants buttoned and zipped but you could definitely tell if I was wearing thongs or briefs (it is thongs BTW). My first goal is to get down to 180 lbs and if I manage to lose 6 more pounds then the suit should fit just right. It is a rather forward-thinking reward and last night when I really wanted to have a piece of chocolate I just stepped into my closet and tried on the pants again. It stopped me from eating chocolate – I have to play little games like this with my warped brain.
The thing is that I keep thinking about how Hilly has already lost 100 lbs. WOW – my daughter weighs 25 lbs so that is like her and 3 of her little playmates or an Olsen twin and a half (hehe). I keep thinking that if Hilly (or insert anyone here) can lose 100 lbs then surely I can lose my measly 46 lbs. I think I’m going to print out Hilly’s picture and tape it to the side of my monitor, my rear-view mirror and the fridge just for inspiration.
Tune in next week and watch while I stop smoking and start exercising.
While reading everyone else’s blogs I realized that pretty much everyone had a New Year’s resolution to really buckle down and start after the first of the year. I didn’t make a New Year’s resolution because I hadn’t gotten to the place, in my mind, where I could. I wanted to start eating right and get healthy but just wasn’t to the place mentally where I felt I could commit to it.
I finally got there – I pulled out a book that I already had that outlined the G-Index diet. I hate that word – DIET! Really this doesn’t need to be a diet but rather a lifestyle change. I don’t need to go on a diet but I do need to change the way I eat, exercise and just about everything else I do. The thing about this “change” is that it actually requires brain cells – you have to plan out your meals and snacks – brain cells that I already have precious few of. Instead of grabbing something quick and easy I now have to actually put certain things together. Oh well, I really needed to dust off my food scale anyways.
The foods are filling and utilize lots of veggies and fruits but they DID have the gall to ask me to give up my precious coffee. Apparently caffeine stimulates the appetite, blood sugar and insulin and God knows that while I do like some things stimulated my appetite isn’t one of them! I’m cutting back slow rather than stopping cold-turkey because I don’t want to suffer from withdrawal headaches while I’m trying to eat right so for now it is just 1 cup of coffee in the morning and I will be switching to half caffeine/half de-café next week. I don’t drink sodas or tea so I don’t have to worry about cutting that out.
Last night I stopped by a health food store, looking for some cracked-wheat bread and instead got all involved in an ionized foot bath. It took 30 minutes and is supposed to draw out all the toxins in your body. I might as well try to heal myself while I’m trying to get healthy. The water was really gross with all the scum it pulled out of my system and I could tell a difference as I had way more energy last night than I’ve had in about 8 years. I’m going to do the foot-bath thangie, once a week, for the next 8 to 10 weeks to see if it keeps helping with the rather lethargic way I have been feeling.
While I was soaking my tootsies (good thing I got a pedicure recently) and talking to the wonderful lady who ran the show we started talking about bowel movements and I realized that I hadn’t had one for about 3 days so now I’m also on a detox program for the next 10 days that is supposed to cleanse out everything hanging around in my lower GI tract. Once all that shit is out of my system maybe I will experience a loss of a pound or five.
The other thing I did was bought a cute pant-suit that when I tried it on was one of those “I could wear it, but should I?” type of pant-suits. I could get the pants buttoned and zipped but you could definitely tell if I was wearing thongs or briefs (it is thongs BTW). My first goal is to get down to 180 lbs and if I manage to lose 6 more pounds then the suit should fit just right. It is a rather forward-thinking reward and last night when I really wanted to have a piece of chocolate I just stepped into my closet and tried on the pants again. It stopped me from eating chocolate – I have to play little games like this with my warped brain.
The thing is that I keep thinking about how Hilly has already lost 100 lbs. WOW – my daughter weighs 25 lbs so that is like her and 3 of her little playmates or an Olsen twin and a half (hehe). I keep thinking that if Hilly (or insert anyone here) can lose 100 lbs then surely I can lose my measly 46 lbs. I think I’m going to print out Hilly’s picture and tape it to the side of my monitor, my rear-view mirror and the fridge just for inspiration.
Tune in next week and watch while I stop smoking and start exercising.
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